The Adventures Of ChicaLover and El Grande Pito, Jr.

[Morpheus]

Okay. This where you will read about the week long adventures of ChicaLover and his trusty little (little only in terms of giant Sequoias) friend El Grande Pito, Jr. All of the rookie mistakes. All of the accidental victories. All of the chicas, the El Presidentes, the rum, the toilet paper (I don't think they really like toilet paper in the DR), and the momentary lapses in consciousness. All of it. Right here. For free and for your entertainment.

I have decided that there is really too much to talk about for one meager post. So, begining this week, at no additional cost to the members of this board, Chica and Pito, Jr. will begin posting a series of reports detailing their initial insertion (so to speak) into the Sosua chica scene.

I just arrived back in the states about 2 hours ago. I am relatively unscathed, but Pito, Jr. will sleep soundly for a long hard time while having wonderful dreams of muchas chicas.

As the sign at La Passion says: God gave man a brain and a penis, but only enough blood to run one at a time.

So, both Pito and I will throw our thoughts in to give all of you our individual insights on our adventure in the land of "Ay, Papi!"

Do not wait for the movie. Read it as it comes online.

I would like to say that the names will be changed to protect the innocent, but I have realized, no one WAS innocent.

Tomorrow's intitial installment: How to fuck up the beginning of your trip without really trying.

(These posts have not yet been rated by the Mongers Academy of Posting.)

[gdogg]

Why do I have the feeling we're in for an muy excellete report??
:D

[Jimmydr]

Why do I have the feeling we're in for an muy excellete report??
:D

Because this was weeks in the making :D

[Morpheus]

Installment #1
The Heart of a True Monger

This first installment was supposed to be named: How To Fuck Up The Beginning of Your Trip Without Really Trying. However, that is going to be installment two. As I am extremely grateful to all members of this Board who helped me with my preparation for my first trip to Sosua, I thought I would expend a little effort on this report and give it the full treatment. So, I decided to create this introduction as the first installment.

I also want to apologize for the lack of the description of hardcore sexual encounters in this first installment. For those of you who are extremely busy and really don’t want to waste time on anything that doesn’t end with “…and then I came on her face”, skip this installment. And I do not mean that in a judgmental way. I don’t think I would want to read my ramblings if I weren’t me either. But, for those of you who appreciate a good monger tale, this installment will provide a good foundation for the future installments. And it may feel a little familiar to you in some ways too.

Finally, there are two things I want everyone to get straight right off the bat and will apply to all installments:
1) Despite what you read here, I am not stupid.
2) Even people who are not stupid are capable of incredibly stupid actions.

My name is ChicaLover. I chose that name because Hispanic women are HOT. Yes, I love them.

As with most good stories, the tale of my first voyage into the land of the willing chicas does not begin with a trip to an airport. It begins the first time I jacked-off to Miss December using a dirty pair of gym shorts, a handful of Crisco, and a flashlight. To this day, deep-frying French fries on my deck in the dark still gives me a boner. (Yeah, but so does everything else.) But it was then that I discovered how fucking great sex felt. And once I discovered sex with an actual woman, it was even better.

I have always been a skirt chaser. Not by any premeditated desire to take advantage of unsuspecting women, but only because it feels good. I believe that if all it takes to get a woman into bed is the deceitful declaration that, no, I never do this on a first date and, yes, she really is special, then so be it. My callous utilization of those false-hearted pronouncements is only as pathetic as her need to hear them before I shove my cock into her box. Face it; we are both being dishonest…..to her. I just lie to her out-right. She lies to herself by believing that no matter how many times she has heard it before and no matter how many times she never again hears from the guy who said it, this time it is true. We are both just going through a learning process. And in the end, we both enjoyed the process……a lot (or at least I did).

In college, while in a serious relationship with a girl with whom I would spend two years, I began to refer to my penis as “Hank.” It became so named not from my relationship with my girlfriend, but from my exploits outside of that relationship. When I needed a story to help me cover my tracks, the use of a fictitious visiting friend from high school named Hank became an almost laughably accepted excuse. And since it was my cock that was causing me to do this, I began to refer to my cum-filled clit-puncher as Hank. My girlfriend never saw the imaginary Hank, but the Hank in my pants sure did fuck her a lot. And, besides, she was probably doing some other guy on the side at the same time anyway. Yes, even back then, I had the heart of a true monger. Regardless, the name Hank stuck. He even has a bar in my basement named after him. (See the website: hanksislandbar.com)

As I grew older and the girls grew proportionately younger, I started feeling a bit weary of the use of trickery. It is not that I felt any less respectable for helping the women with their learning process; I just became tired of the whole act. And that is when I decided that mongering was the more socially responsible method of pursuing recreational women. It is direct, void of drama (most of the time), and both parties are honest with each other as to what they want out of the encounter. I want her snatch; she wants my cash. I can deal with that.

An unfortunate trip down the aisle of a church interrupted my hobby. Once the words “I do” were uttered, the words “I can’t” soon followed. I was, sadly, faithful to my wife. Or maybe I should just say: Sadly, I had a wife. However, fortunately, I can now use the words “had” and “a wife” in the same sentence. Once set free from the bonds of un-holy matrimony, I was free to re-discover my fondness of sex with many women, many times. And I fortunately emerged from the matrimonial dissolution with sufficient funds to re-engage my enjoyment of pay for play.

I do also go out on dates with women. I mean, just because you can buy something doesn’t mean you still can’t TRY and get it for free (although I realize that nothing is really for free). And it was not until about one year after my divorce that I had my first encounter with a hispanic goddess. Her name was Isabelle. Izzy for short. She was light skinned, slim figured and had a really huge natural rack. If not for the fact that (and this is true) after dating her for only five weeks her dad was sent back to Mexico, I may not ever have even needed to find another dealer for my new-found hispanic addiction.

We went on three dates before I found the holy-land of sex with a Latina. It was in my hot-tub, after two bottles of wine were already finished and the third one was on life-support. We started out in our underwear and it was only a matter of ten minutes of good old-fashioned DFK before our skivvies were relieved of their duties. I had my fingers in her pussy and my tongue down her throat.

After seating her on the side of the hot tub and tasting her sweet tuna taco, she happily (for me) decided to ingest a little American Beefsteak. And, as she went to town on Hank, she ran her tongue up his length, looked up at me with the sexiest pair of eyes I had ever seen (hey, at that time, I would have thought Marty Feldman had sexy eyes), and said “Mmmm, I love your dick. It is so muy grande.” And then I came on her face. [Just joking. I only put that in to satisfy those of you who needed to read that phrase.] She then engulfed my joint and when the time was upon us, drank every drop of cum my balls could spew.

And that was the night that “El Grande Pito, Jr.,” was born. Hank was retired, and EGP,Jr. was created. I only got to ride that Mexican mustang two more times, thinking I would have unlimited time to feed her my burrito of love. But, as quickly as a jar of petroleum jelly at a proctologist’s convention, Izzy was gone, and I was hooked on chicas. It is probably some psychological thing about Izzy being so apparently perfect and yanked away so suddenly that has fucked up my brain. But, both brains, mine and El Grande Pito, Jr.’s, are on the same wave-length.

So, that is what led me to my quest for chicas. That is what led my to the discovery of the destination of Sosua. And that is what led me to this board.

Okay, in the next installment, I promise, there will be more sex.

So, watch this site for Installment #2: How To Fuck Up The Beginning of Your Trip Without Really Trying.

Until then, taste a chica for me.

(No animals were harmed or knowingly abused in the making of this trip.)

[continentalmike]

great post! keep it up!!!

[WSJ3]

No animals were abused in this post

Classic line.

ROTFLMAO

[cremaconpalo]

And to think that Shakespeare referred to women as simply, "a rag, a bone, and a hank of hair", the modern-day equivalent of "a hole and a heartbeat".

Dude, are we finished rolling the credits yet? LOL

[GandyDom]

Great Post! You definitely have us watching for Installment II.

[WSJ3]

And to think that Shakespeare referred to women as simply, "a rag, a bone, and a hank of hair", the modern-day equivalent of "a hole and a heartbeat".

Dude, are we finished rolling the credits yet? LOL

Eight to Eighty

Blind Crippled or Crazy

Bow Legged or No Legs

The WSJ3 Motto...

[UnMEnXTC]

It was nice to meet u,and puta name to the face(damn this kbd, space bar not working well).

Too bad the infamous partywas over by the time I got there! :)

C u next time!

Mik

[Morpheus]

At least I didn’t wait a FULL year to post this!!!

Okay, the reasons why I haven’t posted and been active here since my October 2004 trip are posted in the thread “The Return of ChicaLover”, so I won’t regurgitate them again (as opposed to Jack Daniels, which I will regurgitate often). Suffice it to say, I was stupid. And, I apologize that the details of my trip report are now solely from memory (and my last wet dream), so this will be much shorter than what might have appeared. But, I thought I owed it to all of you to post as best I can the stories of my first visit to Sosua. I also apologize for the lack of details like names, places, and amounts, but I Was drunk most of the time and it WAS a year ago.

The second installment was going to be entitled How To Fuck Up The Beginning of Your Trip Without Really Trying because my trip started off all fucked up. I had a black tie dinner to go to the night before my flight to Sosua (think: James Bond meets Vince Vaughn) and I thought I had all my bases covered. I had booked a room at a hotel right next to the airport so that I could just wind up there at the end of the evening and make my 6:12 a.m. flight to Miami. I was dateless for the night and figured that black tie events are not a good place to pick up women, so I wouldn’t end up having to kick some girl out of my bed at 5 in the morning to make the flight. Wouldn’t you fucking know it, I get drunk, hit on some chick, go to her place downtown (which is where the dinner was), fuck her until 3 a.m. (hey, a pitcher has to warm up before pitching….I was just warming up for the trip), get to my hotel, set the alarm clock (incorrectly) and wake up one hour later than I wanted to.

When I get up, I could have maybe just made the flight. I hop on the hotel shuttle bus and get to the airport. There I am told, although I could still barely make the flight, they won’t let me because my luggage would never make it. Not being so keen on having my luggage floating around the U.S. while I am in the D.R., (and therefore having no B.V.D.s), I decide to catch the next flight to Miami. By the time it gets there, my connecting flight to POP would already be gone, but I figured, a night in South Beach isn’t that bad. When I get to Miami, I check in with the ticket people and finds out that there is a flight that gets me into Santo Domingo at 9:30 p.m. OKAY!!! I can still get on the island that day.

I get on that flight and seated next to me is a chica from S.D. I help her interpret the food choices on the flight. She is wearing no ring and I thought maybe I would have a place to stay that night. Not so much. It ends up I could have stuck around and hooked up with her the next day, but my goal was Sosua. She gives me the name of a couple nice hotels though and, when I land, I get a taxi to one of them. Sorry, I can’t rember the name, but it had a Casino and a restaurant so I figured it was good enough.

I check in, go down to the casino, start playing blackjack (see…I can add in Spanish now). Within a few minutes, some chica sits next to me. After broken conversation, her and a friend of her’s go out to a nearby bar for a couple beers, within 2 beers, she wants to know if I want to rent her and her friend for an hour or so. Not being greedy and wishing to pace myself, I just take her. We go to my room, make sweet passionate love by the fire (okay, there was no fire and it was anything but sweet passionate love), and I have had my first Dominican chica. Life is good. I go back down to the casino. Back to blackjack and I am approached by another chica. I am hungry so I ask her if she wants to eat. We eat, drink wine and retire to the temporary ChicaLover suite for more sweet passionate lovemaking (hereinafter referred to as “fucking like horny high school prom dates”)

Not wishing to miss yet another flight, I finish with her and retire to dream of tomorrow’s adventures. (Bullshit….I passed out with half of a Jack and Coke resting on my stomach).

The next day, the taxi driver who drove me to the airport shows up for my ride from Santo Domingo to Sosua we had arranged and I am off to the city of mucho punani.

In the next installment, Hola, Come Here Often? , we meet:

http://www.hanksislandbar.com/Jenni.jpg

Jenni (I think she spells it Yenni).

Disclaimer: The views expressed in this trip report are not those of anybody with any real intelligence. All complaints and suggestions should be forgotten and ignored. The author is not responsible for himself or anything he does or says.

[TG37]

thanks chica lover i like your writing style !! Your funny :D hurry up with the pics

[bud]

i see a novel coming out soon

[WSJ3]

Hey that chica is wearing my hat!!!!

[will_blueprint]

Damn Chica lover nice post. I never notices that about CHICAgo. too bad all we basically have are Mexicans, though I have been venturing to the northside and finding others.

[Morpheus]

Hey that chica is wearing my hat!!!!

Yeah? Well she's wearing MY underwear!!!!! :evil:

[Morpheus]

I never notices that about CHICAgo. too bad all we basically have are Mexicans, though I have been venturing to the northside and finding others.

Yeah, but some of those Mexican Chicas are damn hot too. I live right near Aurora and there are tons of Mexican and Puerto Rican chicas there. I love just driving down the street scoping them. But, none of the Caribbean islands flavors are around. Maybe I'll open up an import business, bringing in the hot chicas. Where are you finding then on the northside?

[Ram]

Yenni done up!

http://img269.imageshack.us/img269/8451/imgp02323bq.jpg

[Morpheus]

Oh yes, my Yenni. That's her okay. Slurp. (Oooops, sorry, I was drooling again.)

[WSJ3]

Hey that chica is wearing my hat!!!!

Yeah? Well she's wearing MY underwear!!!!! :evil:

http://i21.photobucket.com/albums/b263/HaloWSJ3/StewieMissileLauncher.jpg

Leave my baby's mama ALONE!!!!!!!

LOL!!!

[Pana]

I never notices that about CHICAgo. too bad all we basically have are Mexicans, though I have been venturing to the northside and finding others.

Yeah, but some of those Mexican Chicas are damn hot too. I live right near Aurora and there are tons of Mexican and Puerto Rican chicas there. I love just driving down the street scoping them. But, none of the Caribbean islands flavors are around. Maybe I'll open up an import business, bringing in the hot chicas. Where are you finding then on the northside?
The Caribbean flavor of chicas is in NYC :D , the only thing we are missing more of is Cuban chicas.

[Morpheus]

The Caribbean flavor of chicas is in NYC :D , the only thing we are missing more of is Cuban chicas.

Damn you, NYC. You are stealing my Chicas!!!!!! :lol:

[vdubman30]

I never notices that about CHICAgo. too bad all we basically have are Mexicans, though I have been venturing to the northside and finding others.

Yeah, but some of those Mexican Chicas are damn hot too. I live right near Aurora and there are tons of Mexican and Puerto Rican chicas there. I love just driving down the street scoping them. But, none of the Caribbean islands flavors are around. Maybe I'll open up an import business, bringing in the hot chicas. Where are you finding then on the northside?
The Caribbean flavor of chicas is in NYC :D , the only thing we are missing more of is Cuban chicas.

Hang out in North Bergen area you will see plenty of Cubanas out and about on Bergenline Ave.. They are a bit stuck up!!