El Capitan
01-06-2008, 12:02 AM
I apologize to all of you who are my bretheren of the desert...I willingly accept your admonishment for what you're about to read...please go EZ when you toss the potato latkas at me...I know I am bad....
The Gringo in Santo Domingo Dec 22th-New Years Day Part 1
We hit the bus depot in Jarabacoa way early for the 1:30pm ride to SD so we could people watch and try to get a feel for “the city”. We barely got our tickets bought and sit down before we ran into Hugo, one of the guides from Rancho Baiguate.
He thanked us for going with them two days in a row and quickly offered to take us “canyoning” our next time in Jarabacoa…he showed us his hand drawn maps of locations and promised he could save us money over the $50.00USD per person charged by El Rancho B. He spent a good 45 minutes with us, giving me his wife’s business card (a Century 21 real estate agent) and his cell number as well before jumping back into his late model SUV….he has a “taxi” as well…(I laughed inwardly remembering the show “In Living Color” and the skit about the Jamaican family whose patriarch had “tirteen jobs mon”):mrgreen:
My GP got involved watching a Spanish dubbed version of “Tombstone” with Kurt Russell and Val Kilmer and was amazed when I explained the American “wild west” to her. 1:30 came and it was a smaller version of “mass confusion” that we experienced in SD when we came up….and were briefly separated in the line down the aisle of the bus….something she loudly protested to those who pushed me out of the way….I motioned with my hand for her to “move on” to the back of the bus:corky: and again I claimed the two seats in front of us with our bags.
The “roll down the hill” was quite different than the ride up with the driver using due care to slowly make his way down stopping twice to check something outside the vehicle. Instead of having television we had static radio and it was blaring unbelievably loud, something I took to be a Dominican custom….however, when he returned to the driver’s seat the second time, many women in the group began shouting at him to:
1) turn the radio down
2) change the station
3) play their favorite singers
I took the initiative and begin yelling I wanted to hear El Lapiz…a Dominican rapper…which caught my GP by surprise….”You know El Lapiz? He is dirty.” She told me…I grinned and asked if she knew who Snoop Dogg was, telling her HE is one of my favorites…she knew of him. (Fo shizzle bitches)
Friggin rush hour in SD 3 days before Christmas was a treat (NOT)…and was stop and go for almost an hour of the trip…many passengers got off at different corners in SD, without going to the main Caribe terminal…once we were there, we hurriedly made our way to the street to get a cab….first calling Apolo Taxi 809.537.0000…who failed to show up…when my ATF called back, the dispatcher said the guy could not find us..to which she replied, “How hard is it to find a 7 foot, red-faced Gringo?” :p before hanging up on him……she then stormed off into the mix and found Hogar Taxi…negotiated our fair and returned to get me….it was a mini van with plenty of room! We made it to the hotel by 6pm…a little later than we expected but no worse for the wear.
A new reception desk manager at Hotel Mercure was expecting us (which stunned me…) as soon as I walked to the desk, he asked what room I had before I’d left for Jarabacoa….and when I told him….he pulled the safe key, TV remote and TWO new keys for the room and handed it all to me….”We have all we need from you.” he said…I was glad to get on the elevator and on our way to a hot shower!
I left my ATF to shower and nap once I was fresh and went downstairs to a much more crowded esquina de Conde y Hostos….and found an empty table on the patio. It wasn’t long before I was greeted by William (Slick Willie) of Long Island, a fast talking cat whom I’d met in SD in August. He was back for the holidays, leaving on the first as I was… and was settling in for a week or so of casino and cunts….
The Slickster is famous in my mind for arguing (begging) with hotel security to allow him to bring PUTAS in without cedulas (usually at 3am when he returns from the casinos) and chasing everything (and I mean anything) down Conde that even throws a glance his way…..he’s famous amongst the PUTAS (and taxi drivers) for being cheap….BUT he’s a decent guy (in my mind)…meaning he’s OK to drink a beer with on the patio…..not OK to be my “wingman”. :icontd:
So there we sat…Slick Willie and me…watching the throng of people, many of which were new faces in town, (tourists, PUTAS, locals to visit family)……and COPS…every agency the DR has was walking the streets of the CZ in groups of 3-5….many were cadets….quite a few had guns and ALL had handcuffs…..a clear sign of a show of security for the holiday season…Two hours later my gal pal appeared and we made off to a quick (and I mean quick) dinner at the Cafeteria at Penalba…we were beat from the day of travel.
Dec 23rd
Up early and downstairs for the morning grab for grub (before we workout) and this day would be like many others with many of the same faces in the restaurant….
1) C. a well connected, English speaking, 9mm packing, Dominican who runs a legit finance company in the CZ…he’s well known for assisting many Gringos buy condos, apply (and get) passports, cedulas and gun permits,;) and introduces many of us to each other…anyone who visits the CZ with any regularity knows this guy on sight.
2) Slick Willie from L.I. in his trade-mark nylon shorts, mesh tank top and Teva sandals, sweating booze from a late night at the casino…”I was up 3000 last night!” he brags…til I press him to tell me dollars or pesos…..it was pesos. He came home with no money or pussy.
3) The bald headed French guy with his laptop, I think he lives in Mercure.
The list could go on and on…This day, there is a noticeably large group of “pretty boys”…some from Europe, some from the States…but a larger group than I ever remember seeing…there are many Europeans, the accents French and Italian, scoping out the putas with the help of the pimps who translate. There are a couple of families…the wives seem put off by the few men who come downstairs with their dates (meaning 2 women) from the night before….
C. introduces me to R. a “Border Security Expert” who works for a “company” in Alexandria, VA…C shares our backgrounds between us… R. (retired USMC, ex-DC cop) and I decide we need to meet up and compare notes when he returns from picking up his girlfriend in Santiago later in the week….
We’re dressed to go workout. My ATF in red workout tights…sporting a nice camel toe:D that draws the attention of Slick Willie who comes over and in his best ESPN announcer’s voice introduces himself to her…”I remember you,” she tells him, “From the summertime…yelling about bringing in the young girl…she was too young….” Slickster laughs…”Oh yeah, I saw you here. You were leaving when I was coming back!” I roll my eyes and grab my gals wrist….”Vamos.” I tell her….promising R. we’d hook up….”Semper Fi” I tell him. (out of respect)
I lead my GP on a fast paced walk west on Conde towards the Parque de Independencia, today is lower body day…running stairs, lunges on the stairs, hi-rep squats, jumping jacks etc…. her legs cramped right after her 50th lunge…and I push her to the point of “pissed off at gringo” before we leave the park….the guards eye us up as we leave…one nods at me…he knows I beat her ass…….. 45 minutes of high intensity non-stop movement and then back down Conde to Hotel Penalba before returning to Mercure… (I don’t like bitches with cellulite…dime thick :icontd: is fine for some…I prefer hard bodies and tight asses…if the sow’s a size 8, she’s gotta lose weight!)
We did lunch at a place on the Malecon @ D’Luis parrillada, it’s across the street from Foxy’s and Cameron Cigar….a good workout deserves a beer! (So I drank 4 Grandes to her 2 Presidente Lights) Food was great! (We went back a second time)
Here’s what we had:
1) Sea Bass Ceviche-The shit is to die for…cooked in lemon juice, nice sized portion
2) Mini-mofongo-How the fuck was I supposed to know you dump the salconcho (brown water/soup) on it…they bring you some as an appetizer you eat with a spoon…when the mini-mofo came to the table with it…I drank it down, there was no spoon.
3) Fajitas- Fed two of us…big plate of meat, chicken and veggies with all the fixins
4) Stewed Goat-I ate goat three times this trip…and it was excellent every time, much better than when we kill one and cook it on deployment…
After a nap…..we hit La Plaza de Hispana for one of many meals we ate down there.
The moon was full the 23rd – about the 27th…gorgeous moon rises over Columbus’ house!
We ate at almost every restaurant in La Plaza this trip. (We missed Harrys and the Sushi place)…averaging $50-60USD per night w/a few drinks apiece and tip…(damned TAX & LEY)
1) Meson de Quintana – We had a mixed plate of ham (Oye vey, the Jewish boy ate ham) cheeses etc…with pan con ajo (garlic bread)…it was good, and the portion was decent…I’ve eaten here before….
Coca-Cola had a huge plastic Christmas tree (Chan-u-kah bush) and Santa was there for the kids…at about 8:30p there was some kind of play, interactive with a video that revolved around Coca-Cola…it was fun to watch the kids…I stopped the Bon ice cream guy on the bike…and pigged out.
2) Ritas – We had a mixed seafood platter, shrimp, clams, octopus, fish…it was good, came with sides of rice, beans and avocado……
3) Angelos – Pizza rolls for dinner after a huge lunch (our second at D’Luis on the Malecon), it was quick, the beer was cold and the bill was cheap
4) The Pirate Place I forget the name- We met up with the pilot (his girlfriend) and sister from Spain we met in Jarabacoa…the guy’s GF works at Meson de Bari. This place was a gourmet hit! Mediterranean style seafood that was outrageous…but then….. so was the bill for FIVE of us ($5900DRP including an extra 10% on the tip) Worth every penny if you like great food.
5) Museo de Jamon – Yeah I know…this Jew is going to hell…We ate here New Years Eve and all in all, for the price and the food…it may have been the BEST meal we had. I started us off with a “Tablata de Museo”…a plate of their finest meats and cheeses ($510DRP) and we ordered Seafood Paella for two,($630DRP) which it would have fed FOUR…she took half home to her mother. The funniest part was feeding her clams, oysters and scallops…none of which she claimed she had ever eaten…. she had…only FRIED! This stuff was all steamed….They tried to bring us another table’s food twice, put beers on the table we did no order (I drank them)…we got out of there for a straight $60USD (and could have fed 2 more people) including tip and TAXES….
An aside, I did eat at the Hard Rock one night as well….typical Hard Rock (or Friday’s, Appleby’s or Chili’s)…they put cheese on everything…I think they put cheese on the cheese….ordered the spinach and artichoke dip AND chicken wings….when the wings arrived I did a double take and asked the waitress….aren’t there pigeons in the park over there in the daytime? (I pointed at the church) She said “Ches” (Yes). I asked her where they go at night and she said, “Esleepin.” To which I replied, “On my plate?” And I pointed at the tiniest chicken wings I’ve ever seen…I told her my ATF has bigger chickens at her house! (By the way, they don’t sell COKE at the Hard Rock….only Pepsi…Rum and Pepsi SUCKS!:icontd: )
That’s all for now, I need to call a cardiologist, writing this made me realize how fucked up my diet was down there.
Manana- Who ate all the watermelon from the breakfast buffet at Hotel Mercure:eek: ….and left me all the fucking papaya.
The Gringo in Santo Domingo Dec 22th-New Years Day Part 1
We hit the bus depot in Jarabacoa way early for the 1:30pm ride to SD so we could people watch and try to get a feel for “the city”. We barely got our tickets bought and sit down before we ran into Hugo, one of the guides from Rancho Baiguate.
He thanked us for going with them two days in a row and quickly offered to take us “canyoning” our next time in Jarabacoa…he showed us his hand drawn maps of locations and promised he could save us money over the $50.00USD per person charged by El Rancho B. He spent a good 45 minutes with us, giving me his wife’s business card (a Century 21 real estate agent) and his cell number as well before jumping back into his late model SUV….he has a “taxi” as well…(I laughed inwardly remembering the show “In Living Color” and the skit about the Jamaican family whose patriarch had “tirteen jobs mon”):mrgreen:
My GP got involved watching a Spanish dubbed version of “Tombstone” with Kurt Russell and Val Kilmer and was amazed when I explained the American “wild west” to her. 1:30 came and it was a smaller version of “mass confusion” that we experienced in SD when we came up….and were briefly separated in the line down the aisle of the bus….something she loudly protested to those who pushed me out of the way….I motioned with my hand for her to “move on” to the back of the bus:corky: and again I claimed the two seats in front of us with our bags.
The “roll down the hill” was quite different than the ride up with the driver using due care to slowly make his way down stopping twice to check something outside the vehicle. Instead of having television we had static radio and it was blaring unbelievably loud, something I took to be a Dominican custom….however, when he returned to the driver’s seat the second time, many women in the group began shouting at him to:
1) turn the radio down
2) change the station
3) play their favorite singers
I took the initiative and begin yelling I wanted to hear El Lapiz…a Dominican rapper…which caught my GP by surprise….”You know El Lapiz? He is dirty.” She told me…I grinned and asked if she knew who Snoop Dogg was, telling her HE is one of my favorites…she knew of him. (Fo shizzle bitches)
Friggin rush hour in SD 3 days before Christmas was a treat (NOT)…and was stop and go for almost an hour of the trip…many passengers got off at different corners in SD, without going to the main Caribe terminal…once we were there, we hurriedly made our way to the street to get a cab….first calling Apolo Taxi 809.537.0000…who failed to show up…when my ATF called back, the dispatcher said the guy could not find us..to which she replied, “How hard is it to find a 7 foot, red-faced Gringo?” :p before hanging up on him……she then stormed off into the mix and found Hogar Taxi…negotiated our fair and returned to get me….it was a mini van with plenty of room! We made it to the hotel by 6pm…a little later than we expected but no worse for the wear.
A new reception desk manager at Hotel Mercure was expecting us (which stunned me…) as soon as I walked to the desk, he asked what room I had before I’d left for Jarabacoa….and when I told him….he pulled the safe key, TV remote and TWO new keys for the room and handed it all to me….”We have all we need from you.” he said…I was glad to get on the elevator and on our way to a hot shower!
I left my ATF to shower and nap once I was fresh and went downstairs to a much more crowded esquina de Conde y Hostos….and found an empty table on the patio. It wasn’t long before I was greeted by William (Slick Willie) of Long Island, a fast talking cat whom I’d met in SD in August. He was back for the holidays, leaving on the first as I was… and was settling in for a week or so of casino and cunts….
The Slickster is famous in my mind for arguing (begging) with hotel security to allow him to bring PUTAS in without cedulas (usually at 3am when he returns from the casinos) and chasing everything (and I mean anything) down Conde that even throws a glance his way…..he’s famous amongst the PUTAS (and taxi drivers) for being cheap….BUT he’s a decent guy (in my mind)…meaning he’s OK to drink a beer with on the patio…..not OK to be my “wingman”. :icontd:
So there we sat…Slick Willie and me…watching the throng of people, many of which were new faces in town, (tourists, PUTAS, locals to visit family)……and COPS…every agency the DR has was walking the streets of the CZ in groups of 3-5….many were cadets….quite a few had guns and ALL had handcuffs…..a clear sign of a show of security for the holiday season…Two hours later my gal pal appeared and we made off to a quick (and I mean quick) dinner at the Cafeteria at Penalba…we were beat from the day of travel.
Dec 23rd
Up early and downstairs for the morning grab for grub (before we workout) and this day would be like many others with many of the same faces in the restaurant….
1) C. a well connected, English speaking, 9mm packing, Dominican who runs a legit finance company in the CZ…he’s well known for assisting many Gringos buy condos, apply (and get) passports, cedulas and gun permits,;) and introduces many of us to each other…anyone who visits the CZ with any regularity knows this guy on sight.
2) Slick Willie from L.I. in his trade-mark nylon shorts, mesh tank top and Teva sandals, sweating booze from a late night at the casino…”I was up 3000 last night!” he brags…til I press him to tell me dollars or pesos…..it was pesos. He came home with no money or pussy.
3) The bald headed French guy with his laptop, I think he lives in Mercure.
The list could go on and on…This day, there is a noticeably large group of “pretty boys”…some from Europe, some from the States…but a larger group than I ever remember seeing…there are many Europeans, the accents French and Italian, scoping out the putas with the help of the pimps who translate. There are a couple of families…the wives seem put off by the few men who come downstairs with their dates (meaning 2 women) from the night before….
C. introduces me to R. a “Border Security Expert” who works for a “company” in Alexandria, VA…C shares our backgrounds between us… R. (retired USMC, ex-DC cop) and I decide we need to meet up and compare notes when he returns from picking up his girlfriend in Santiago later in the week….
We’re dressed to go workout. My ATF in red workout tights…sporting a nice camel toe:D that draws the attention of Slick Willie who comes over and in his best ESPN announcer’s voice introduces himself to her…”I remember you,” she tells him, “From the summertime…yelling about bringing in the young girl…she was too young….” Slickster laughs…”Oh yeah, I saw you here. You were leaving when I was coming back!” I roll my eyes and grab my gals wrist….”Vamos.” I tell her….promising R. we’d hook up….”Semper Fi” I tell him. (out of respect)
I lead my GP on a fast paced walk west on Conde towards the Parque de Independencia, today is lower body day…running stairs, lunges on the stairs, hi-rep squats, jumping jacks etc…. her legs cramped right after her 50th lunge…and I push her to the point of “pissed off at gringo” before we leave the park….the guards eye us up as we leave…one nods at me…he knows I beat her ass…….. 45 minutes of high intensity non-stop movement and then back down Conde to Hotel Penalba before returning to Mercure… (I don’t like bitches with cellulite…dime thick :icontd: is fine for some…I prefer hard bodies and tight asses…if the sow’s a size 8, she’s gotta lose weight!)
We did lunch at a place on the Malecon @ D’Luis parrillada, it’s across the street from Foxy’s and Cameron Cigar….a good workout deserves a beer! (So I drank 4 Grandes to her 2 Presidente Lights) Food was great! (We went back a second time)
Here’s what we had:
1) Sea Bass Ceviche-The shit is to die for…cooked in lemon juice, nice sized portion
2) Mini-mofongo-How the fuck was I supposed to know you dump the salconcho (brown water/soup) on it…they bring you some as an appetizer you eat with a spoon…when the mini-mofo came to the table with it…I drank it down, there was no spoon.
3) Fajitas- Fed two of us…big plate of meat, chicken and veggies with all the fixins
4) Stewed Goat-I ate goat three times this trip…and it was excellent every time, much better than when we kill one and cook it on deployment…
After a nap…..we hit La Plaza de Hispana for one of many meals we ate down there.
The moon was full the 23rd – about the 27th…gorgeous moon rises over Columbus’ house!
We ate at almost every restaurant in La Plaza this trip. (We missed Harrys and the Sushi place)…averaging $50-60USD per night w/a few drinks apiece and tip…(damned TAX & LEY)
1) Meson de Quintana – We had a mixed plate of ham (Oye vey, the Jewish boy ate ham) cheeses etc…with pan con ajo (garlic bread)…it was good, and the portion was decent…I’ve eaten here before….
Coca-Cola had a huge plastic Christmas tree (Chan-u-kah bush) and Santa was there for the kids…at about 8:30p there was some kind of play, interactive with a video that revolved around Coca-Cola…it was fun to watch the kids…I stopped the Bon ice cream guy on the bike…and pigged out.
2) Ritas – We had a mixed seafood platter, shrimp, clams, octopus, fish…it was good, came with sides of rice, beans and avocado……
3) Angelos – Pizza rolls for dinner after a huge lunch (our second at D’Luis on the Malecon), it was quick, the beer was cold and the bill was cheap
4) The Pirate Place I forget the name- We met up with the pilot (his girlfriend) and sister from Spain we met in Jarabacoa…the guy’s GF works at Meson de Bari. This place was a gourmet hit! Mediterranean style seafood that was outrageous…but then….. so was the bill for FIVE of us ($5900DRP including an extra 10% on the tip) Worth every penny if you like great food.
5) Museo de Jamon – Yeah I know…this Jew is going to hell…We ate here New Years Eve and all in all, for the price and the food…it may have been the BEST meal we had. I started us off with a “Tablata de Museo”…a plate of their finest meats and cheeses ($510DRP) and we ordered Seafood Paella for two,($630DRP) which it would have fed FOUR…she took half home to her mother. The funniest part was feeding her clams, oysters and scallops…none of which she claimed she had ever eaten…. she had…only FRIED! This stuff was all steamed….They tried to bring us another table’s food twice, put beers on the table we did no order (I drank them)…we got out of there for a straight $60USD (and could have fed 2 more people) including tip and TAXES….
An aside, I did eat at the Hard Rock one night as well….typical Hard Rock (or Friday’s, Appleby’s or Chili’s)…they put cheese on everything…I think they put cheese on the cheese….ordered the spinach and artichoke dip AND chicken wings….when the wings arrived I did a double take and asked the waitress….aren’t there pigeons in the park over there in the daytime? (I pointed at the church) She said “Ches” (Yes). I asked her where they go at night and she said, “Esleepin.” To which I replied, “On my plate?” And I pointed at the tiniest chicken wings I’ve ever seen…I told her my ATF has bigger chickens at her house! (By the way, they don’t sell COKE at the Hard Rock….only Pepsi…Rum and Pepsi SUCKS!:icontd: )
That’s all for now, I need to call a cardiologist, writing this made me realize how fucked up my diet was down there.
Manana- Who ate all the watermelon from the breakfast buffet at Hotel Mercure:eek: ….and left me all the fucking papaya.