Hung Hefner

The following events occurred between the hours of 200AM and 300AM... Real Time

(@ Merengue/Classico Bar)

(Chica 1 - walks in with a limp...Accompanied By Chica 2)

Chica 1 - " Ooooh shit! That's that mother fucker right there! (Chica 1 pulls out her phone.) I'm going to get that mother fucker shot! "

Chica 2 - " Who ? "

Chica 1 - " El rasta...El rasta...Aye Dios mio! El Diablo Rasta!

Chica 2 - " Que Rasta ? "

Chica 1 - " El rasta vive en Nuevo York! Buck! Buck Tooth Bandit!!! Aye dios mio "

Chica 2 - " I no know him? What him do? "


(the following events happened between the hours of 600PM and 700PM....2 days ago)

Buck - " the names buck! And I like to fuck!
Ask about me! ASK!!!!

I'm biggie smalls daddy! Buckie Balls!

Im tupacs pops! Buc-PAC!!!!!

I'm the mother fucking president! Burak O-Buck!! I'm the boss!!

Table @ El Flow - " (everyone laughing) Buck, you crazy! Where you been dawg? Why you stop contributing to sosualife on the yahoo group ? )

Buck - " the group got infiltrated, people was stealing pictures and showing these hoes trying to get brownie points. But all they did was fuck up the game! "

(two no neck steroid juicing looking brothers from Miami at another table decide to comment...These mother fuckers look like they could bench press ford explorers.)

Steroid 1 - " that site sucked! "

Steroid 2 - " hehehe .... yeah dawg it did! All you did was tell dick jokes, you wasn't a real moderator! With your punk ass! "

Buck - " this is the part that always confuses me...which one of you two is the Dick and which one of you two is the Balls "
Better yet, who's the top? And who's the bottom? Which one of you take dick? Don't be shy? God loves everyone! Even those hung like adult squirrels. "

(Steroid twins look at each other in disbelief)

Steroid 1 - " what the fuck you said?"

Buck - " Do...You...Understand...the...words...
Coming...out...of...my...mouth? How long have you like dick? What is your pet hamsters name? Is it Mr. Scratchy? Where did you get that baby blue wife beater from?"

Steroid 1 - " Look mother fucker..."

(Buck interrupts mid sentence...)

Buck - "Now you look! Your the dick! because your doing all the talking, and your friend there is the balls! "

Steroid 2 - " im the dick! "

(Steroid 1 turns to Steroid 2)

Steroid 1 - " calm down Twan, he's trying to get in your head, i got this "

Steroid 2 - " why you always got to got this ? "

Buck - " because, he's the dick in your relationship and your the balls"


Steroid 2 - " I'm the dick! He's the balls! "

Steroid 1 - " who the fuck you calling the balls "

Buck - " Stand up to him Twan, a relationship is suppose to be 50/50"


Steroid 2 - " im the dick "

Steroid 1 - " Twan...what did the 5 fingers say to the face ? "

Steroid 2 - " i don't know...what ? "

Steroid 1 - " (steroid one smacks steroid 2 and says, SLAP!! ) "
"Don't ever disrespect me in public! Respect me bitch!!!! "

Steroid 1 - " go back to the room now! "

Steroid 2 - " (gets up off the floor and walks over to a parked Honda SUV and lifts it over his head and drops it on Steroid 1...killing Steroid 1 instantly!)

Steroid 2 - " thanks Buck for giving me the strength to stick up to him"

Buck - " no problem man! "

True fucking story!!

Buck - " back to my story! Cot Dam! That mother fucker lifted up that car like a bottle of presidente! So I'm fucking this bitch...right, and I ask her to put it in her ass...she says no! More like...hell no!

on to Plan B................

So I go into the bathroom, and, put a shit load of Vaseline behind my ear.

Old trick I learn,
what you do...
while your fucking...
Is put your finger behind your ear, get some of the Vaseline - from behind your ear...
and lube that bitch asshole while your fucking her!
She won't suspect your lubing her asshole because your getting it from behind your ear.

Dude at the table - " wouldn't she see you? "

Buck - " No...you turn off the light"

Dude at the table - " But she would see you putting your hand behind your head.... "

Buck - " you put your hand behind your head like your gonnna knock that pussy out! Like your filming a Porno ! You start the act of fucking with the hand behind your head!
Very important to start that way!

Table @ El Flow - " (Entire Table) Ooooooooooooo "

Buck - " Exactly!!! Then, after you grease her asshole....put the whole dick in!!! One time! Don't give her a chance to tense up!

Table @ El Flow - " (laughing)

Buck - " so I'm in the bathroom looking for the Vaseline and my phone rings! So the bitch hears it and ask me if that's my other girlfriend...."

Chica - " you player! That's you next novia ! "

Buck - " no, it's your 32 year mother asking me when it's her turn? "

Chica - " fuck you! I'm putting on my clothes! Don't tell my mother I'm here! "

Buck - " give me back 500 pesos and i won't say nothing "

Chica - " papi me bambino sick and I need to buy leche! "

Buck - " (on the phone...) hi Maria-Luz guess whose here?

Chica - " (hands buck the 500 pesos)

Maria- Luz - " who? "

Buck - " deez nuts! "

Maria-Luz - " why chew no llama me? "

Buck - " I don't know no Jews "

Maria-Luz " no Jew...Chew...Chew"

Buck - " i don't know no Jew?

Maria-Luz- "wait....Chew....Y.O.U....Chew! "

Buck - " Ooooooooooooo, I was sleeping, let me call Chew back. "

Maria - Luz - " Ok"

(returns to fucking)

Buck - " so I am smashing up this pussy! Tap once...some Vaseline hit the navel...remember the lights are off...Tap again...hit the asshole perfectly, so I'm fucking her and she looks at me and say .....

Chica - " Wow...you don't come in 3 minutes like before...

(then I say)

Buck - " 3 minutes 32 seconds! Get your facts straight ! (buck thinking to himself...for that I'm putting all of my dick and balls in this smart mouth bitch! "

Buck - " then Wham! Stuffed my whole cock in her ass!"

Table @ El Flow - " so what happened ? "



(hence the title...the return of the 60 second assassin.)

Buck - " she jumps up and knocks over everything in the dark! End up breaking her leg in 3 places! "

Table @ El Flow - " wowwwwww! "


(thats why chica 1 has a limp!!)

To be continued....
The artist formally known as Buck Tooth Bandit...Is now Hung Hefner!
Hugh Hefners daddy!

"I'll be your sugar, but, I won't be your daddy! - Hung Hefner"

"If i stop slapping, would you say, " Papi why you no slap me no more? - Hung Hefner"

To all my soldiers...all my ex-blog buddies...good to be back!!

LETS ROLL!!